so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
