no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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