dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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