Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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