even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
