from now on my penis is your penis
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
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