You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
