This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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