i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Is it penis luge time yet?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
