operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
