Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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