I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I party with great urgency now.
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