Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
