The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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