and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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