i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
