Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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