Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
