If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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