Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
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Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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