Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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