saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
