I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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