my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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