One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize