I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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