I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
