I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
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i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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