He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
