Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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