Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
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There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
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okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF