When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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