your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
