i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
