Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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