My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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