Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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