i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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