I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
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she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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