new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I am available for nakedness
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
