I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
