I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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