we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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