He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
