I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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