Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How does one acquire holy water?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
