Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
