ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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