moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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