Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
