Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
