He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
