it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
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