She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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