i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
