I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
