Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
