I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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