if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
