My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
