The maid of honor just puked.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize