Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
