is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I've blown a few things in my day
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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