is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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