i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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