Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
