idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
