K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
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Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
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Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Let's get the cat blown out
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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