And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
